I am a hip-hop snob. This is a burden I've carried for many years. I try not to be so critical of popular music now, but I just want everyone to know that I listen to your favorite rapper’s favorite rapper’s favorite rapper. Sometimes I like to sit and think about the type of video games that would complement each rap group's style. For example, A Tribe Called Quest would have a game where Q-tip must drive around Southern California in a journey to find his wallet. The real question is what type of game would harness the ultra-aggressive and depressive energy that is Jedi Mind Tricks.
Where the Wild Things Are is a children’s book whose message is lost in those too young to understand it, a lot like psychedelics. Maurice Sendak used a simple narrative and memorable illustrations to make the public aware of the power found in imagination. On a more immature level, it taught you to say “Let the wild rumpus start!” before inhaling a bowl of marijuana or before coitus, ruining the mood of the latter. Maurice Sendak might have been called to travel outside of our realm but his works continue to motivate freethinkers around the globe in all languages.
Quitting a job you hate is one of the most liberating acts you can do for yourself. My brother was a middle school music teacher until the day he used an expletive to tell a girl to be quiet. Yes, STFU. Later that day he told me the moment he signed his resignation papers will be ranked as the moment he was reborn. It doesn't work for everybody -- chances are low you'll find freedom in cursing at school-aged children but maybe you should try to alter your life before the boiling point. If you do quit your job today, congratulations. Don't hold me responsible for your irresponsible decision. I'm just a guy on the internet with a brother who has a loose tongue.
We are pretty edgy, or so we think. The truth is we will never be as cool as the animators that existed during the 1930s. My Saturday mornings were made up of microwaved corndogs and 1930s ComiColor animation, I just didn't realize it was actually a gateway into the minds of grown men who loved drugs and art. Think about it, could you think of a place made entirely of balloons and have a pin cushion villain with a protruding phallus? Not without some 'extracurricular' help.
The 'Just Say No' campaign of the early 90s collapsed when Bethesda hit the gaming scene with Elder Scrolls. After that, it was simply impossible to say no. Bethesda was your dealer and Elder Scrolls was the crystallized crack rocks inside a little plastic baggie -- and you've used everything from PC-DOS to PlayStation 4 to smoke it in.
You must really consider the fact that the state of our technology would have never gotten past the embryonic stage had it not been for small contributions to innovation. Everyone gets so happy when a game comes out with new DLC content for their favorite games but do you ever wonder what were the early stages of DLC gaming history? I don't, because I have better things to do than to devote my entire life to the detailed history of video games.
Fear can manifests itself in many ways. Are you a perfectionist? Do you sit and wait for things to reach the perfect pitch in order for you to act? This is a presence of fear disguised in the form your need to have everything be perfected. Are you indecisive or procrastinate? Yes, this too is a presence of fear. These are all things that are holding you back from taking action towards something or someone you wish to have, but the reality is that no action yields no results.
Since we did it for Microsoft's E3 media briefing, we obviously feel obligated to do this feature for Sony PlayStation's media reveal at E3. A lot things were thrown your way, and we've condensed all the interesting things down to a handy top ten list.
This article was originally created for Microsoft's E3 briefing stream, but now that it's over with, we've repurposed this as a top ten list of the most amazing things that came out of today's press conference. We're just so damn resourceful over here.
FIFA is corrupt. So corrupt that EA decided to add it to their EA FIFA franchise, you just didn't realize it was in there. My mind is still traumatized by a match that I was winning between Barcelona and Real Madrid 3-0 at the 75-minute mark. Suddenly the opposing team starts getting referee calls in their favor and make miraculous goals. I sat in disbelief as CR7 celebrated his fourth goal at the end of extra time, they came back to win 4-3. This was the moment that I choose to go back to an old friend named Pro Evolution Soccer.
They call the genre 'couch multiplayer,' which beats 'anxiously stand up and pace multiplayer' by a long shot. Sombrero: Spaghetti Western Mayhem is the game, and you're fortunate to be alive this month because it's officially The Stoned Gamer's Free Indie Game of the Month.
This is a topical story considering that tomorrow, a 9.8 earthquake is predicted to hit California and rip it apart from the United States of America.
The Stoned Gamer has been after Caviar Gold longer than the gaming industry has been demanding a remake of Ninja Gaiden -- and that's a pretty damn long time.
The only thing I fought in the 80s was my right to buy the SNES version of Mortal Kombat instead of Sega's. Sure the Genesis version had the blood, but the graphics were like playing an arcade port extracted from a potato. The colors were murky, the movement was labored at best, and you only had three buttons to use in a game that originally had four buttons. That was my fight -- my only goal was to spread the word as to why the SNES version of Mortal Kombat was superior. That was my adversity as a child. First world problems.
I spent most of this morning ferociously clicking Wikipedia links in order to determine what role (if any) Nietzsche had in the Nazi party. I'm sure your Thursday morning was the same. We all have those days -- you dive on the internet in order to find where a coffee shop is located and within an hour you're crafting an aluminum helmet to protect yourself from Anunnaki mind control. However we all know it's senseless. Especially when your society is controlled by inter-dimensional shape shifting reptilian aliens that have been manipulating you since you were born. It's a lot to take in. Oh, and if you're on Tinder, don't talk about inter-dimensional shape shifting reptilian aliens on your profile. It will most likely be the last thing they read before they swipe left. This is from experience.
If you want to feel old, talk about virtual reality to millennials and reference Lawnmower Man. You will never hear such a deafening silence. The lack of follow-up conversation will make your ears bleed. Blood will literally leak out of your head, and it will all be attributed to people not having a clue as to what Lawmower Man is or was.
The greatest thing about dating an Austrian is getting stoned and telling them how insane they were during the entire World War II debacle. She always insists that she was born in the 90s, so by default she had nothing to do with it -- but we all know the truth. If DNA are building blocks of humanity, then my girlfriend is composed (in part) of Nazi building blocks. I notice the small things, like when she reaches for a box of cereal on the shelf with her right hand. Sometimes when we're walking on the beach she tends to step a little higher than usual, which is troubling. She also corrects me when I make a typo in my texts to her; that undoubtedly makes her a grammar Nazi -- and that's close enough.
After having a conversation about smoking weed with a very attractive Swedish dancer in my kitchen -- I realized that I haven't actually smoked weed today. It was a complete oversight, I apologize. In fact there's no place in this universe for me to write about a game without being stoned on The Stoned Gamer. An injustice to humankind, and every other animal species out there that depends on me to be stoned. My life has been met with complete disappoint. I'm ending it all. The paragraph. I'm ending the paragraph and going to the next one.
Before we go on with Lemma, I feel a certain obligation to explain non-determinism since I've had two strong cups of coffee in the middle of the day and my fingers need to be occupied until I calm down.
Judging by the traffic, a potpourri of people were intrigued by Nathanael Weiss's 'Songbringer,' a game we proclaimed is the lovechild of Zelda and Star Wars having passionate sex one evening off the coast of Italy.
This article was written on a Frankenstein laptop that was surgically assembled from pieces of other laptops that were once dead. It took me three trips to Frys Electronics, but I finally did it this week at 3:55 am on Thursday. Saying all of that is also a horrible way to pick up chicks on Tinder. In fact it's probably the absolute worst way. All of this is based on months of unsuccessful Tinder use. If Tinder success was measured by how unsuccessful a person is, then I would be some wise grandmaster living on a hill somewhere in Ireland.